In today’s Journal
* A Foreword
* The Top 7 Mistakes Writers Make, Part 2
* An Afterword
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
A Foreword
Yep, another foreword.
This is the much-updated second half of on an article I originally posted over on my author site way back in 2013. I brought it forward again in 2022, and now here it is again.
Even if you believe you’ve seen it before, please read it again. If you missed yesterday’s post, you can read it here.
This post negates nothing I’ve said about allowing the characters to tell the story that they, not you, are living.
The Top 7 Mistakes Writers Make, Part 2
5. Assigning Human Traits to Human Parts
Don’t assign human traits to human parts (or assign traits that apply to a whole creature to the creature’s parts).
Writing that “a voice (or mouth or lips) said” something is like writing…
“his eyes saw” or “his legs raced frantically down the street” or “his head (or eyes) looked up from the menu” or “his ears heard sirens several blocks away”…
or “his fingers felt their way along the shelf” or “his hand crept toward the pistol on his hip” or the ever-popular “his eyes shot across the room.”
In every case above, it’s “he (or she or Character Name)” said, saw, raced, looked up, heard, or felt. As for the next to the last one, “he reached for” would work beautifully.
The last one always cracks me up.
When I read “his eyes shot across the room,” I wonder whether he was just hit in the forehead with a shovel. And where did his eyes land? In someone’s drink perhaps? Plunk. (grin)
Better to just write “he glanced” or “he looked” or “his gaze shifted.”
All of these are basically awkward constructions and are similar to misplaced modifiers.
Even in the middle of what is supposed to be a dramatic, tension-filled scene, you might well cause your reader to crack up laughing if you write “his legs raced down the street.”
6. Abusing Tag Lines
A tag line exists only to let the reader know which character is about to speak.
The tag line is the only bit of narrative that can be connected to a line of dialogue with a comma. (The brief descriptive narrative is always followed by a period.)
The tag line consists of
- a noun (character name) or pronoun (he, it, or she), and
- a verb that indicates a form of utterance.
The best verb for use in any tag line is “said.”
Because they also help establish a mood, you might also write muttered, whispered, yelled, and so on.
Just be sure the word you use indicates a form of utterance. The character cannot “smile” or “chuckle” or “nod” or “scream” a line of dialogue.
You seldom need “asked” because the question mark pretty much conveys that to the reader, right?
Here are some of the primary forms of abuse:
Attempting to make tag lines “interesting”—
Some writing instructors actively (and erroneously) teach writers to alternate or vary the verbs in their tag lines “to make the tag lines more interesting.”
The fact is, you don’t WANT your tag lines to be interesting. Again, the tag line’s only purpose is to let the reader know, almost subliminally, which character is speaking.
The tag line should be as flat and boring as possible so the reader can all but skip over it and get back to the story.
Under no circumstances should a tag line draw the reader’s interest from the story.
I’ve even seen this in a manuscript:
“Put the knife down! Now!” he ejaculated.
Nuff said?
Using archaic reverse constructions in tag lines—
There’s never a good reason for a narrator to use a reverse construction (“said John” instead of “John said”), in a tag line or anywhere else. It’s an archaic construction, and its repeated use is distracting.
Using adverbs in tag lines—
“Don’t use adverbs in tag lines,” Harvey said stringently.
Using adverbs this way is most-often an unconscious attempt to dress up what the writer sees as a boring construction.
You’re right. Tag lines are boring. They are external to the actual story, so they SHOULD be boring.
Using verbs that are not a form of utterance in tag lines—
As I wrote above, the best verb for a tag line is “said.” A character can’t “grin” or “cut in” or “snicker” or “flick” a line of dialogue.
I actually collect inappropriate verbs that I’ve seen in tag lines over the years. To get a copy of the current list, email me. It’s pretty humorous.
Overusing tag lnes—
Again, tag lines exist ONLY to let the reader know which character’s talking, and they should be used only when they’re absolutely necessary to avoid reader confusion.
If there are only two characters in a scene, for example, you don’t need many (if any) tag lines because the reader can tell from the alternating paragraphs which character is speaking at any given time.
Each time a different character speaks or the scene or “camera” switches to a different character or a new angle, begin a new paragraph.
7. Putting Descriptive Narrative After the Dialogue
This is what some writers and writing instructors call a “narrative beat.”
Often, you can replace a tag line with a brief descriptive narrative. But as with tag lines, it’s almost always better to put the descriptive narrative ahead of the dialogue.
The brief descriptive narrative is often better than a tag line because it serves double duty. Like the tag line, it lets the reader know which character is about to speak, but it also lets the reader see a little more of the scene.
For example,
Margot came into the room. “So what should we do tonight, guys? Watch a movie or party on the beach?”
So why put it up front?
Because once the reader has passed the closing quotation mark of the dialogue, he’s already “heard” the character’s voice.
Any description of the character or the character’s action or voice after that changes the reader’s perception and forces him to go back and re-read the dialogue.
In other words, you’ve interrupted the reading (and flow) of your own story. And it’s never a good idea to interrupt the reader.
Using a brief descriptive narrative is especially important for character identification when more than two characters are engaged in dialogue.
If you use tag lines (John said, Sheila asked) in that situation, put them AHEAD of the dialogue as well so the reader knows in advance which character is speaking.
If you have a brief descriptive narrative, you don’t need a tag line too.
If you write “John frowned” as an introductory narrative, that’s all you need. There’s no reason to add a tag line, such as “John frowned and said” or “Sheila frowned and asked.”
Hope this is helpful.
An Afterword
The mistakes listed above are labor intensive. There is no easy way (e.g., Find & Replace) for the writer (or editor) to resolve them.
You have to go through the manuscript bit by bit and repair or delete them as you find them.
So yes, you will use your conscious, critical mind and actually edit. But that’s all right. You’re learning, not writing, and learning is a function of the conscious mind.
The good new is, once you’ve done this on one novella or novel or a few short stories, it will sink into your creative suconscious and you’ll have it.
Tomorrow I’ll be back with the updated post that originally followed this one: 10 Lesser Mistakes Writers Make.
Talk with you again then.
Of Interest
Translating Your Books with Hanna Wheeler
The Numbers
The Journal………………………………1280
Writing of Blackwell Ops 28: Ariana Ramos
Day 1…… 2583 words. To date…… 2583
Day 2…… 1339 words. To date…… 3922
Day 3…… 1526 words. To date…… 5448
Day 4…… 3941 words. To date…… 9389
Day 5…… 2734 words. To date…… 12123
Day 6…… 2584 words. To date…… 14707
Fiction for September……………………. 9259
Fiction for 2024………………………….… 590394
Fiction since October 1………………… 793047
Nonfiction for September……………… 4880
Nonfiction for 2024……………………… 279720
2024 consumable words………………… 769710
2024 Novels to Date……………………… 12
2024 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2024 Short Stories to Date……………… 5
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)……………… 94
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 9
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 242
Short story collections…………………… 29
Disclaimer: I am a prolific professional fiction writer, but please try this at home. You can do it.
On this blog I teach Writing Into the Dark and adherence to Heinlein’s Rules. Unreasoning fear and the myths of writing are lies. They will slow your progress as a writer or stop you cold. I will never teach the myths on this blog.
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