In Today’s Journal
* My Quote of the Day
* Chapter 5, Part 1
Chapter 5: Abusing Tag Lines and Brief Descriptive Narratives
First, to avoid any confusion, when I say “tag lines” that’s what some writers call “dialogue tags.” And when I say “brief descriptive narratives” that’s what some writers call “action beats.”
Both tag lines and brief descriptive narratives serve a particular purpose, and both are adjacent to one or more lines of dialogue spoken by a single character. But tag lines and brief descriptive narratives are not the same thing.
Attributes: The Tag Line…
- exists only to avoid reader confusion by letting the reader know almost subliminally which character’s speaking,
- must contain a verb that indicates a form of utterance and
- must be necessary.
- The tag line should never draw attention to itself (in fact, it should be all-but invisible or silent),
- seldom includes an adverb, and
- whenever possible should appear before the dialogue.
- The writer should avoid reverse constructions when writing tag lines (write “she said,” not “said she”).
- Tag lines do not stand on their own.
Attributes: The Brief Descriptive Narrative…
- also lets the reader know which character’s speaking, but
- it also enables the reader to see, hear, smell, etc. part of the scene. For that reason, the brief descriptive narrative is often preferable.
- Whenever possible, these too should appear before the dialogue.
The Attributes of Tag Lines and Brief Descriptive Narratives Explained
Tag lines exist only to let the reader know which character’s speaking.
- If the reader can tell without a tag line which character’s speaking, don’t use one.
- Because you begin a new paragraph each time a different character speaks, when only two characters are involved in a back-and-forth conversation fewer tag lines are necessary. The paragraphing will clue the reader as to which character’s speaking.
- If the conversation goes on for a while even between only two characters, you might need to insert a tag line or a brief descriptive narrative—you don’t need both—now and then to keep the reader up to date with which character’s speaking. (More on this in “Brief Descriptive Narratives Do Triple Duty” below.)
- In his short story “Hills Like White Elephants,” Ernest Hemingway let one conversation between a man and a woman go on for so long without tag lines or brief descriptive narratives that I eventually became confused. I literally had to stop reading (so, an interruption caused by the writer), go back to the beginning of the conversation, and count the volleyed lines of dialogue so I was clear on which character said a particular thing.
The tag line must contain a verb that indicates a form of utterance.
Some writers have been taught—mostly by English teachers and well-meaning but faux writing instructors—that verbs used in tag lines should be “interesting” and even that they should “stand out.”
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Remember, the tag line exists only to let the reader know which character’s speaking. As such, the tag line should be as flat, boring, and uninteresting as possible.
Even a short, unobtrusive tag line is literally an intentional but necessary author intrusion, so you want the reader to skim it and get back to the actual dialogue and the story as quickly as possible.
For that reason, the best all-around verb for use in a tag line is “said.”
But whatever verb you use, it must indicate a form of utterance.
For example, you cannot “smile,” “chuckle,” “giggle,” “sneer,” or “sentence” a line of dialogue. Yet there’s this:
- “Let’s go down to the lake,” she sentenced.
Of course, “sentenced” is not a form of utterance any more than “smile,” “chuckle,” or “sneer” is. “Sentenced” is an action verb that means your court case has come to an unpleasant end.
The tag line must be necessary.
- There’s no reason to insert “she asked” after a question mark. Although “asked” is a form of utterance, the question mark plainly shows the reader that the character asked.
- The same goes for inserting “he exclaimed” after an exclamation point.
In fact, there’s no reason to use a tag line at all when a question mark or exclamation point is included in the dialogue. Even if you need to identify which character is speaking, a brief descriptive narrative is better for that purpose to indicate tone, etc. (see “Brief Descriptive Narratives Do Triple Duty” below).
The tag line must not draw attention to itself.
Later in this chapter I’ll provide a comprehensive (but not exhaustive) list of verbs that are not a form of utterance—but that writers have used anyway in tag lines in actual manuscripts and in published works. Most of them are pretty humorous.
For now, here my favorite “weird” tag line that drew attention to itself:
- “I can’t take it anymore!” he ejaculated.
Yeah. I’m not kidding. I caught that one full in the face while leaning in to do a copyedit.
And yes, I know that “ejaculated” is officially a form of utterance, but so what? The unwary reader might easily take a whole other connotation from that word. To put it lightly, the word draws attention to itself, so it might be better not to use it except maybe in a brief descriptive narrative in a graphic sex scene.
The tag line seldom includes an adverb.
- I’m tempted to say a tag line should “never” include an adverb. It’s easier, more informative, and more entertaining for the reader if you precede the line of dialogue with a brief descriptive narrative instead.
- The character’s facial expression or gesture in the brief descriptive narrative will better convey the emotion or mental state of the character than “she said sadly” or “he yelled vehemently” ever could.
Whenever possible, the tag line should appear before the dialogue.
Like tag lines themselves, the position of the tag line is even more important when three or more characters are involved in a conversation, but position is important in any case.
- As he reads, the reader will automatically “hear” the voice of whichever character he believes is speaking. When you put the tag line before the dialogue, it enables the reader to “hear” the voice of that character as the character speaks.
- If you place the tag line after the dialogue, and if the tag line identifies the speaker as someone the reader didn’t expect, he’ll go back and re-read the line of dialogue with the new information in mind—who’s speaking, the voice and tone, etc.—so he can hear the right voice. That’s a minor interruption, but it’s still an interruption, and it makes for a jerky, start-and-stop-and-start again reading experience.
Avoid reverse constructions when writing tag lines.
Again, some English teachers and well-meaning (but wrong) faux instructors teach writers to use reverse constructions to offer “variety” in their tag lines.
Also again, you’re only using the whisper of a tag line in the first place to let the reader know which character’s speaking, so you don’t want your tag lines to feature variety. You want them to disappear.
Few things are more annoying to many readers (myself included) than to read “Said Mary” repeatedly instead of “Mary said.” The reverse construction is a harsh intrusion. It’s the writer’s way of reminding the reader, “Hey, I’m right here.”
Typically, writers who use reverse constructions also “offer variety” by writing things like “she offered” or “he encouraged” or other nonsense like that.
Again, if you do that, you’re calling attention to yourself and the tag line and away from the story. So if your goal was for the reader to be fully engaged in the story, you’re defeating your own purpose.
There’s never a good reason to use a reverse constructions in tag lines, so just Don’t Do It.
Back tomorrow with Part 2. Talk with you again then.