In Today’s Journal
* Only for Readers of TNDJ!
* More on Description
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
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More on Description
I consider myself a studying master of setting and scene description. I have a good mastery of it, but I’m still studying and learning too, especially from the likes of Stephen King, Ernest Hemingway, and Raymond Chandler.
The comment I get most often from readers of my fiction is that they feel they’re ‘in the scene’ with the characters. For me, nothing’s better than that.
Among the chief techniques I’m learning and practicing (and passing along) is when sparse description is better and when more in-depth description is essential.
In my current novel, as I was cycling, I encountered the following two bits of description in a single passage. In this scene, the POV character is waiting for his contact to arrive:
I got up and went in to check the shower. It seemed to work all right, so I got undressed, took a shower, toweled off, and got dressed again. I sat on the end of the bed to pull on my boots, and as I was tying the second boot, a quiet knock came on the door.
Perfect timing.
I crossed the room and opened the door to find a slight woman, probably in her mid to late 30s. In sneakers, jeans, and a tucked-in, short-sleeved, red-and-blue plaid blouse, she stood maybe 5’5” or 5’6” with blue eyes and copper-red hair. Her hair was parted down the middle and hung behind her ears in two long, thick braids. Freckles barely showed through her Kansas prairie suntanned skin.
She smiled up at me. “Sam?”
Notice how sparse the description is in the first paragraph. It covers the essentials, but I don’t force the reader to see every minuscule detail.
For example, I don’t show Sam unwrapping the little bar of soap or adjusting the shower or applying the soap to his body or any of that. That paragraph is basically a transitional sub-scene. In-depth description of that subscene isn’t essential to the story.
Now look at the third paragraph in the excerpt above. I left zero doubt in the reader’s mind regarding the contact’s appearance and voice. That was essential because I want the reader to see exactly the same character Sam saw when he opened the door.
Now every time that contact appears in a scene, the reader will ‘see’ that same character.
As a bonus, from a little earlier in the scene, here’s the description of the POV character’s motel room. It’s both sparse and detailed. Notice the character offering his opinion of parts of the setting:
The place wasn’t much to look at, but it had a deadbolt on the door, a queen-sized bed, a toilet that flushed, and a shower. There was also a small round table and an uncomfortable looking arm chair with most of the padding gone out of the seat and pine arms blackened with oil from thousands of hands touching them. An old television sat on a wide bureau on the wall past the foot of the bed. A Denny’s menu and a Pizza Hut menu card lay next to it.
Two framed prints hung on the wall above the TV and above the bed, colorful modern-art things, the kind that you couldn’t tell if they were hanging sideways or upside down. The room looked fairly clean, but I wouldn’t want to see the comforter or the carpet under a blacklight. And there was a small coffee maker on the counter in the bathroom, so I was good.
As always, I hope this helps. Any questions, email me at harveystanbrough@gmail.com.
Tomorrow, some comparisons between Shopify vs. Payhip, and More on Dialogue.
Of Interest
Why Video Works to Sell Books and Author-Friendly Video Ideas
Some blues with Tracy Chapman and Eric Clapton
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 700
Writing of Blackwell Ops 45: Sam Granger | Ghost Trail 2
Day 1…… 2637 words. To date…… 2637
Day 2…… 3648 words. To date…… 6285
Day 3…… 3483 words. To date…… 9768
CUTS…… -4437 words. To date…… 5331
Day 4…… 3212 words. To date…… 8543
Day 5…… 2715 words. To date…… 11258
Day 6…… 2044 words. To date…… 13302
Day 7…… 2280 words. To date…… 15582
Day 8…… 2901 words. To date…… 18483
Day 9…… 2863 words. To date…… 21346
Day 10…. 3922 words. To date…… 25268
Day 11…. 2765 words. To date…… 28033
Fiction for June………………………. 14731
Fiction for 2025………………………. 478183
Nonfiction for June……………………. 5580
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 131730
2025 consumable words…………….. 603403
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 11
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 27
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………….. 115
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 297
Short story collections……………………. 29
Whatever you believe, unreasoning fear and the myths that outlining, revising, and rewriting will make your work better are lies. They will always slow your progress as a writer or stop you cold. I will never teach the myths on this blog.
Writing fiction should never be something that stresses you out. It should be fun. On this blog I teach Writing Into the Dark and adherence to Heinlein’s Rules. Because of WITD and because I endeavor to follow those Rules I am a prolific professional fiction writer. You can be too.
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Questions are always welcome at harveystanbrough@gmail.com. But please limit yourself to the topics of writing and publishing.