In Today’s Journal
* Quote of the Day
* On Focus in Pacing
* The Numbers
Quote of the Day
“I just this moment finished the latest novel, a political thriller based on certain events in Dallas a few decades ago. As you know… whew! Time to take a long break to rest up, recuperate and build energy for the next one. I probably won’t start until after lunch.” Dan Baldwin, in a typical email to me at around 8 a.m. one morning, poking fun at those who have to take a long break after finishing a novel (grin)
On Focus in Pacing
The same writer who contributed through an email to yesterday’s issue of TNDJ also talked with me about focus, especially as it pertains to Nightfall, the novel I’m currently serializing in Your Morning Serial.
I’ve set the writer’s comments about focus (details), culled over the course of several emails back and forth, as a block quote below. My response follows:
I’m really liking Nightfall as I read more. At first I was sort of overwhelmed at all the detail, and surprised at the slow(er) pace. (Actually I really really like your use of details. There are more than I would have expected, and it’s nice because 1. my brain likes detail/not skipping over things, and 2. it shows that you can slow down and breathe in any story, even while tension is still high.
It almost gives me a more literary feel. I’ve felt so pressured to write fast-moving scenes lately that I find myself skipping over sensory details in my writing, and it really takes the fun out of discovering the characters’ world.) Nick is so observant. He’s also an interesting guy.
First, re the “literary feel,” I was in a Hemingway mood when I started the story. So the Nick Porter persona (not to be confused with Nick Spalding, the protagonist of Nightfall) might as easily have written this novel.
When we grow as writers, that growth is marked by the realization that we’re noticing things we haven’t noticed before. You’re starting to notice the nuanced difference between “overall pacing” and (or versus) “internal pacing.”
Now that you’ve read it for pleasure, if you read over it again, you’ll notice that the opening scene of the novel still reads very fast overall (hard to put down) even with all the detail that’s included.
I could have written only the action of the scene and omitted the detail. But what Nick notices (sees, hears, smells, etc.) as the action unfolds is what pulls the reader deeper into the story, into the scene, and even into the fight. The inclusion of detail is the difference between a passive (if excited) reader and one who’s fully engaged in the story.
I have a bestselling writer friend who writes only the action with as little detail as possible. He believes description of the setting distracts the reader from the action.
I respectfully disagree. I believe, as evidenced in my writing, that the inclusion of appropriate details enhances the scene and pulls the reader deeper into the story and more fully engages him.
For the record, here’s what I mean by “appropriate detail”:
- If the character notices a detail during the action, whether a smell, a sight, a sound or whatever, that detail is appropriate and should be included.
- If I as a writer ‘thinks’ something like “Ooh, that should be darker/brighter, heavier/lighter, oak vs. pine, etc.” that detail is not appropriate. It’s excessive and should not be added. If you add something on your own that the character didn’t notice, that’s author intrusion and you will bore the reader stiff.
All of that said, detail is what puts the reader on the dock as the men complete their work as they anticipate an incoming storm. Detail is also what puts the reader inside the shack on the dock before the fight, while the fight is unfolding, and after the fight.
Notice how the descriptions apart from the actual fight are mixed with the descriptions OF the actual fight.
And then immediately after the fight is resolved, notice how the pacing slows way down as Nick finds himself back in the pay line and shuffling forward. (I even used “shuffling” repeatedly and intentionally to indicate and mimic the much slower pace.)
Yet even with the slower pace, he’s obviously still adrenaline charged (nervously noticing and focusing on even each opening and closing of the door, the back of the guy in front of him, etc.) as he shuffles forward and gets closer to being paid. And then he’s “paid” in a way he doesn’t expect.
This mimics the simultaneous racing mind and mental fog a real person might encounter immediately following a serious incident in real life.
We all focus down on (notice) certain things in vivid detail while we’re in the midst of a tense situation, but we seldom recall those things easily or clearly later, for example when giving the cop a description of a wreck immediately after the wreck happens. Then later we wonder why we noticed those particular things in the frenzied heat of the moment.
Anyway, I’m glad you’re enjoying the story. There’s a great deal more to come. Now that you’re aware, maybe you can watch for the changing pacing etc. through the rest of the story. 🙂 That’s how you learn by reading other writers’ work.
As an aside, the writer also mentioned almost in passing that she would like to know the specific time period of the story.
I don’t think I ever mentioned the specific time period in the story, but there are indications of the time period, again delivered through details (or a lack of them), such as no televisions, etc.
Talk with you again soon.
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 960
Writing of “Ten Cents on a Dollar”
Day 1…… 1965 words. To date…… 1965
Day 2…… 1441 words. To date…… 3406 (done)
Writing of Blackwell Ops 47: Sam Granger | Special Duty
Day 1…… 3250 words. To date…… 3250
Day 2…… 1110 words. To date…… 4360
Day 3…… 3323 words. To date…… 7683
Day 4…… 1656 words. To date…… 9339
Day 5…… 1413 words. To date…… 10752
Day 6…… 3135 words. To date…… 13887
Day 7…… 3338 words. To date…… 17225
Day 8…… 1228 words. To date…… 18453
Day 9…… 1985 words. To date…… 20438
Day 10….. 1312 words. To date…… 21750
Day 11….. 2559 words. To date…… 24309
Day 12….. 1345 words. To date…… 25654
Fiction for September……………… 18308
Fiction for 2025…………………….. 552457
Nonfiction for September.………… 15250
Nonfiction for 2025………………… 201500
2025 consumable words………….. 746343
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 13
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 31
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………….. 117
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 301
Short story collections……………………. 29