In Today’s Journal
* On the Purpose of Description
* The Numbers
On the Purpose of Description
I often hear or read that any description a writer includes in a story should advance the story line.
Um, not true. Plus it gives the writer the idea that s/he should ‘think’ about the description.
The plot—this happens and then that happens and then another thing happens (as Bradbury said, the footprints that are left behind as the characters run through the story)—advances the storyline.
And of course, in an authentic story that’s unfolding before your eyes, you can’t preplan that.
But that’s all right. If you knew the plot before you started writing, it would be boring anyway. Writing a story when you already know what’s going to happen is like watching a movie after someone tells you all about it.
Description doesn’t advance anything, though it does directly engage the reader. Description—both of the characters and the setting—exists only to
- pull the reader into the story, and
- keep him in the story.
- Nada más.
If you hear now and then from readers (editors, first readers, beta readers, critique group members, et al) that your story’s ‘a little thin,’ chances are good that something the character saw, heard, smelled, tasted, or felt (physically or emotionally) didn’t make it onto the page.
In every case, the POV character will give you all the description you need. Don’t second guess him in either direction:
- If he sees, hears, smells, tastes or feels something, put it on the page. Don’t omit it.
- If he DOESN’T give you something in particular, but you personally ‘think’ it should be there, DON’T put it on the page. If you do, that’s author intrusion.
Always remember, it’s the characters’ story, not your story. After all, they, not you, are living it. At the moment the story unfolds, in your story you’re sitting at your keyboard typing.
But when a story’s ‘off,’ most of the time it’s because the description is lacking. So Take Your Time and be sure to put anything the POV character gives you on the page.
The following is a mini-scene from my current novel. In this scene, Jack Striker, the POV character, has arranged with his contact, an FBI agent, to leave a weapon in his hotel room.
He usually meets his contacts in person, but given his profession (assassin) and this particular contact’s profession, Jack decided discretion is the better part of valor.
To that end, he asked the agent to describe himself, then left his spare keycard at the front desk for the agent, then left the hotel:
I crossed the street, found an antique shop two doors down with a display in a picture window, and went in.
A small bell tinkled above the door.
The store was deep but narrow. Trinkets were everywhere, from glass or porcelain figurines and knick-knacks to oil lamps and iron tea pots to neon beer signs and the occasional moth-eaten hat.
To the right just inside the door, an older man in a black vest, a long-sleeved white shirt, and jeans stood behind a counter working an old-fashioned cash register. Busy with a customer, he only glanced up and nodded.
His white hair was strained back into a ponytail, and the unlit stump of a thick cigar protruded from one side of his mouth. Wire rim glasses were perched halfway down his nose. He also wore a visor, and black garters graced both sleeves just above the elbows.
The customer, a short, heavyset woman in flat black shoes and a long red dress with little white flowers printed all over it, glanced over her right shoulder, offered a tight-lipped smile, then turned back to the proprietor. Her hair looked as if it had been shorn from a grey sheep.
I glanced at the man and hefted my bag. “It’s zipped shut. Okay to browse?”
He nodded again and wagged a hand at me. “Hey, knock y’se’f out.”
I smiled. “Thanks.” I moved deeper into the store, checking out the display on either side of the first aisle. A few minutes later, as I curled around the spinning rack of postcards near the back, the bell above the door tinkled again as the lady customer left.
The proprietor had eased onto a barstool behind the counter, his head bowed and a paperback book open in his hands.
I started back toward the front along the second aisle, again checking out the items on the display to my left and on the wall to my right.
Finally I stopped behind the picture window, ostensibly to look at the items on display there. And of course, I watched the entrance of The Fairview.
Within only a minute or two a clean-shaven blond man with conservatively cut hair in a blue suit approached the front doors. He was carrying what looked like a padded brown envelope.
Maybe two minutes later, he exited the doors again and started back the way he’d come.
When he was half a block away, I nodded to the proprietor and smiled. “Nothing today, I guess.”
He raised a hand but didn’t look up from his novel. “Come again.”
So in this case, you’re the reader. Were you in the setting with the character?
Talk with you again soon.
The Numbers
The Journal………………….. 900
Mentorship Words…………….. 0
Total Nonfiction…………………. 900
Writing of Blackwell Ops 53: Jack Striker | The Next Level
Day 1…… 2035 words. To date………… 2035
Day 2…… 2217 words. To date………… 4252
Day 3…… 3751 words. To date………… 8003
Day 4…… 2218 words. To date………… 10221
Day 5…… 2181 words. To date………… 12402
Day 6…… 1673 words. To date………… 14075
Day 7…… 1972 words. To date………… 16047
Day 8…… 2081 words. To date………… 18128
Fiction for December……………………… 18128
Fiction for 2025…………………………… 772775
Nonfiction for December.………………… 14500
Nonfiction for 2025………………..……… 279630
2025 consumable words………………… 1044836
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 18
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 36
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………….. 122
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 310
Short story collections……………………. 29