In Today’s Journal
* Some Stuff on Description
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
Some Stuff on Description
Coming to you live from Roswell NM this morning.
I wasn’t going to write a post this morning, but two factors came together perfectly:
One, I have some time to kill, and two, this morning’s installment on Your Morning Serial lends itself to a post on description.
You can view that installment here.
Even if you haven’t read the preceding installments, the first major scene of this installment pretty much stands alone for purposes of description.
(That’s one more reason to go deep when you’re describing a setting and scene: Doing so helps the scene be interesting all by itself.)
The following will make more sense if you go read the scene above, or at least open it while you read the rest of this.
1. In the first paragraph of Chapter 17, notice that I mentioned Carolyn by name. That’s important to help re-ground the reader. Especially given the title of the chapter, it also helps clarify for the reader who Stern’s talking about.
2. Notice that even during the ensuing serious-turned-playful banter, the description continues. The reader can see and hear what the characters are seeing and hearing. More importantly, the reader can’t NOT see and hear it.
3. Notice the use of a single asterisk (in the document it would be centered) to indicate a passage of time and change of scene.
4. Then back to two short paragraphs of description. This is a new opening for a new scene.
In the first paragraph, notice the innuendo to leave no doubt about what happened during the previous night.
In the second paragraph, look at the depth of description and detail, even down to the size of the measuring cup. Had I only written “into a measuring cup” the reader might have seen just any measuring cup. So I wrote “into an eight-cup measuring cup” to remove any doubt.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want the reader to have to imagine anything. I want him to see what’s actually there. Being vague can lead to reader confusion. You should always have full control over what the reader sees, hears, smells, etc. in any given scene.
I even show Stern’s process for making scrambled eggs, then putting strips of bacon etc.
In the next very short paragraph, the reader can hear the bacon and should be able to smell it and the coffee.
Then we shift off description of the breakfast for a second. Why? Because when Carolyn says “Good morning!” (Can you see her smiling even though nowhere does it say “she smiled”? I’m betting yes. The smile was conveyed by how she said “Good morning!” (the exclamation point).
Then more playful banter. And do you see (hear, smell) the process of making breakfast moving along?
If I had it to write over again, I would change “She laughed and stirred her eggs with her fork” to “She laughed and shifted her eggs with her fork.” The word “stirs” CAN cause the reader to “see” the eggs as still liquid, though not all readers will see that mentally as they’re reading.
And then a little later the conversation turns serious again, and maybe even touching.
Then a minor bombshell (him asking her to move in) to provide a little more conflict to the scene (conflicts aren’t always “bad” or violent) and the scene continues.
As we move into Chapter 18 and a new major scene and change of setting, a mixture of Stern’s unspoken thought (internal monologue, whatever) combines with a little setting description and a little dialogue to move the reader through the scene and reveal more information about the characters and the story itself.
I’ll leave it to you to look over that. Feel free to ask any “Why’d you do that?” questions that arise. This really is a good novel to study.
Of course, these two chapters are late in the novel. If you’d like to go back and read the whole thing, you can find installment one at The Darling Members Club (Ch 1-2).
Let me know if you found this post valuable.
Talk with you again soon.
Of Interest
Spain celebrates 80 years of ‘Tomatina.’ Story ideas?
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 710
Writing of Blackwell Ops 47: Sam Granger | Special Duty
Day 1…… 3250 words. To date…… 3250
Day 2…… 1110 words. To date…… 4360
Day 3…… 3323 words. To date…… 7683
Day 4…… 1656 words. To date…… 9339
Day 5…… 1413 words. To date…… 10752
Fiction for August..………………….. 7502
Fiction for 2025………………………. 534149
Nonfiction for August………………… 17550
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 185950
2025 consumable words…………….. 712485
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 13
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 31
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………….. 117
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 301
Short story collections……………………. 29