In Today’s Journal
* Chapter 6, Part 3
* Chapter 7
* Of Interest
Other Misuses That Are Easy to Fix
Likely: Despite its widespread misuse because it sounds cool and despite the “ly” on the end of it, “likely” is primarily an adjective, not an adverb. “Likely” is synonymous with “probable,” not “probably.” I cringe every time a weather guy says “It likely will rain tonight.”
(Note: Yes, I’m aware that some dictionaries define “likely” as both an adjective and an adverb, so do what you want. But “probably” is sitting right there, so why risk annoying the reader?)
Now or Today: The narrator very seldom (if ever) needs to use the words “now” or “today.” Past tense is the natural voice of narrative, and both of those refer to the present, so the narrator using those terms can break the fifth wall and jerk the reader out of the story. Usually you can fix this problem by simply deleting “now” or “today” from narrative on a case-by-case basis. Characters using the terms in dialogue is fine.
He Had to Admit That: Try to avoid phrases like “he admitted” or “she had to admit that” or “he couldn’t deny that.”
Likewise, writing “he couldn’t deny” whatever implies that someone asked the character whether he could deny whatever it was, even though nobody did.
Such phrases are a result of the writer popping into the story to answer a question the reader hasn’t asked. This is also another example of beating the reader over the head or overstating the obvious.
Nod Yes; Shake No: Don’t write that a character “nodded her head yes” or “shook his head no.” I mentioned this one back in Chapter 4. When a character nods, it always means yes. When he shakes his head, it always means no.
It’s About Time: Although “while” is often misused, that word always indicates two or more things are occurring simultaneously during a particular time period. The writer most often wants “although” or “even though.”
Chapter 7: Overstating the Obvious
You might also call this chapter Beating the Reader Over the Head because when you overstate the obvious, that’s what you’re doing.
I alluded to this back in Chapter 4 with these examples:
- “She shuffled the dominoes in front of her” or
- “She sipped wine from her glass.”
Remember? You don’t need “in front of her” in the first example and “from her glass” in the second because what other dominoes would she shuffle? And from what other container would she sip wine?
Correcting this kind of stuff just tightens your story an extra eighth-inch of a turn.
Likewise in Chapter 6 I also mentioned the “stood looking’ and “sat tapping” examples as well as this one:
- “He nodded his head” and
- “She shrugged her shoulders.”
Again, what else is he going to nod? What else is she going to shrug?
And your story tightens another eighth of an inch. And how about this one:
- “He nodded his head yes” or
- “She shook her head no.”
Nodding in response to dialogue always means yes, and shaking the head in response always either means no or indicates disbelief, disgust, or some other negative emotion.
So the point is, Don’t beat the reader over the head with things he already knows.
But those are all tiny, nuanced examples, habits you can easily break simply by becoming aware of them.
Probably the best and most prevalent example of overstating the obvious occurs just after the writer conveys a line of dialogue, complete with a tag line or brief descriptive narrative that plainly conveys the character’s mood, as in this example:
- As lines furrowed her lovely brow, Mary reached for Rob’s hand, then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. “Are you gonna be all right? The war’s raging. Why in the world did you have to join the army?” Mary spoke quietly. She was concerned.
The overstating begins when the writer—who is either insecure about her writing ability or doesn’t trust the reader to “get it”—tacks on another sentence or two of narrative to tell the reader what he already knows.
The reader definitely already knew “She was concerned” because he saw Mary frown and he saw her reach for Rob’s hand. In fact, I’d bet he also already knew “Mary spoke quietly” because after she took Rob’s hand she “leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.”
Everything about this mini-scene says it’s quiet and gentle. There was no need for the last two sentences of the passage.
Most of the writers I’ve encountered who overstate the obvious don’t realize they’re doing it. For that reason, I suggest you look at some of your own work to see whether you can find any instances of beating the reader over the head.
Curse Words, Catch Phrases, and Other Cutesy Bits
These are also the result of an overreaching narrator and author intrusion. Don’t make the character say unnecessary curse words. And don’t make him repeat various “catch phrases” or other cutesy bits unnecessarily.
And yes, I mean “don’t make him,” not “don’t let him.” Again, always let the character be who he is.
But in every case of unnecessary curse words, catch phrases, and other bits like that, the writer is operating from his conscious, critical mind and adding things he thinks should be there to make sure the reader “gets it.” In those cases, the “it” is usually the character’s attitude.
The key word here is unnecessary. Where a curse word or catch phrase is necessary and sounds natural coming out of the character’s mouth, that’s fine. I’ve always advocated for letting the characters be who they are, speak how they speak, and so on.
But wherever curse words, catch phrases, and other cutesy bits are obviously forced (inserted) by the writer, those things are only more distractions.
I’ll use an example here from a famous “name” writer.
One male character in a book I read recently called another male character “Muchacho” as a kind of nickname. That’s fine. Guys do stuff like that.
So the first time the character used that nickname, it sounded completely natural. I noticed it only in passing. Exactly what you want the reader to do.
And if the character had used the nickname only occasionally, it still would have sounded natural. But this character used the term almost every time he addressed the other character. That’s too much, too often.
Here’s a fabricated example of a conversation:
Gary grinned and raised a hand as he approached. “Hey, Muchacho, where you off to?”
I pointed past him. “Going for a walk on the beach. Wanna go?”
“Sure, Muchacho. Much appreciated.” He fell in alongside me. “So Muchacho, have you thought about what you’re gonna say in your speech.”
“Nah, not much.” I shrugged. “I’m kind of uneasy with the whole concept. I mean, what do I know about art?”
“But Muchacho, it’s your show. It’s your grand coming-out as an artiste.”
“Yeah, I know, but—”
“Look, it isn’t like you have to go on for hours, Muchacho. Just tell ‘em a little about yourself, how you got started, stuff like that.”
I only nodded.
“Hey, you’ll be great, Muchacho.”
You get the idea. Again, no copyright infringement here. This is strictly a fabricated example, not a direct excerpt from the original story.
As you can see from the above example, soon the nickname itself stood out and drew my attention to it instead of letting me focus on what was going on in the story.
Again, the experience was like listening to a speaker or presenter who says “umm” after every few words. It’s annoying and distracting, and it will pull the reader out of the story.
And yes, this is exactly the same effect you experience as a reader when the writer overuses the character’s actual name. If the writer uses a character’s name too often, it springs from the page. The overuse becomes obvious, annoying, and disruptive.
Back tomorrow with Chapter 8.