In Today’s Journal
* Chapter 6, Part 2
* Of Interest
Sat or Stood
Sat and stood are misused almost as often as the verb “gave.”
If the character’s changing her physical orientation, of course, this is no problem. If she was lying down or sitting, it’s fine to say “she stood.” If she was lying down or standing, it’s fine to say “she sat.”
But don’t allow the narrator to say the character stood unless she was lying down or sitting, or that she sat unless she was lying down or standing.
This error most often happens when the writer’s padding the story for word count. For example,
- If the reader already has a sense that the character’s standing, don’t let the narrator write that she “stood and looked” (or “stood looking”) out the window. “She looked out the window” or “gazed out over the city” will do fine.
- If we already know she’s sitting at her desk and she just hung up the phone, don’t let the narrator write that she “sat tapping her pen on her desk.” Again, “She tapped her pen on the desk” is enough.
The same thing goes for the past-tense verb “lay,” as in “She lay on the couch, drumming her fingertips on a cushion.” If we already know she was on the couch, leave out the first part and just write “She drummed her fingertips on a cushion.”
Sometimes some writers will use the “stood looking” or “sat tapping” constructions not to pad the writing but because they don’t trust the reader to remember the character’s physical orientation (lying, sitting, standing).
In those cases, they’re overstating the obvious or “beating the reader over the head.” You don’t want to do that either. More on that in the next chapter.
It’s Never “Try And….”
This is another biggie—this time a phrase—but it isn’t a misuse. It’s a mistake.
Like every guideline in this book, this one pertains only to the narrator and to you in your capacity as a fiction writer. It never pertains to any character’s dialogue unless maybe the character is a librarian or an English teacher.
I’ve seen the phrase “try and” thousands of times in narrative, and it’s always wrong. It’s never “try and.” What you mean to say in every case is “try to.” How can you both “try” to do something “and” do it?
Note: If you have a habit of writing “try and” and want to do a global search for this one, be sure to put a space before “try” and a space after “to” in the Find What box. Then put a space before “try” and a space after “to” in the Replace With box.
Doing that will keep the bot from replacing “He came into the country and settled near…” with “He came into the country to settled near….” or “She liked the symmetry and design of…” with “She liked the symmetry to design of….”
The Character Said (or Thought) to Himself
No, he didn’t.
This is specifically for tag lines.
Maybe the character mumbled or muttered or whispered or asked or said quietly or thought, but he didn’t do any of that “to himself.”
Don’t let the narrator write “to himself,” “to herself,” or “to themselves” in any tag line anywhere ever. It’s inane, redundant, and just plain silly.
Allow your narrator to use “to himself,” “to herself,” or “to themselves” only in description when he’s talking about a character having a room (or whatever) “all to herself” or a character is “keeping to himself” and so on.
“Took and” or “Reached and”
This one isn’t quite as noticeable and intrusive as the earlier entries, but I thought I’d mention it.
Don’t allow your narrator to say in narrative that a character “took and” or “reached and” did whatever. Those phrases are almost always a waste of space and a distraction. In every case, you can lose those phrases and allow the reader to move to the meat of the action.
Note: Sometimes you might find “reached out and” or “reached over and” to be necessary, but I recommend finding those in your work and leaving them or correcting them on a case-by-case basis.
- “She took her daughter’s hand and squeezed it.” (Couldn’t she have squeezed it while it was still attached to her daughter?) What you want here is “She squeezed her daughter’s hand.”
- “She took a can of air freshener and sprayed the kitchen.” (“She sprayed the kitchen with air freshener.” If you want to let the reader see her retrieving the can, at least tell us where she got it. “She took a can of air freshener from the cabinet and sprayed the kitchen.” Again, the reader can only see what you put on the page.)
- He reached and picked up the TV remote. (“He picked up the TV remote.”)
- She reached to smack him upside the head. (“She smacked him upside the head.”)
- Likewise, if a character’s lying in bed reading and “He turned off the bedside lamp” the reader will see him reach. The narrator doesn’t have to say “He reached over (or out or across) and turned off the bedside lamp.” Although again, depending on the context, the phrase might be necessary in some cases.
To easily and quickly find these, key “took” or “reached” into the Find What block of your Find and Replace dialogue box. Then click Find Next, stop at each instance, and see whether you want to recast the sentence.
“Suddenly,” “Instantly,” or “Instantaneously”
Beginning a sentence with “instantly” or “suddenly” or anything similar is almost never a good idea. If something happens “instantly” in your mind, have your narrator get to it without forcing the reader to read “instantly” so the reader can actually experience it in real time. If you force the reader to read the word “instantly” or “suddenly,” it slows the reading and waters down the immediacy of the action.
Likewise, I advise against using such words even later in the sentence. And please don’t try to get around this one by changing “Suddenly a shot rang out” to “A shot suddenly rang out” or “Instantly her eyes welled with tears” to “Her eyes instantly welled with tears.”
What It Was That
This phrase is so awkward and ugly it ought to be illegal. I’m sure you’ve all heard it. For example,
- “I forgot what it was that I wanted to tell you.”
- Just write “I forgot what I wanted to tell you.”
- “I couldn’t hear what it was that he was saying.”
- No. Just write “I couldn’t hear what he was saying.”
Again, despite how the examples look, this is primarily for narrative, not the characters’ dialogue. Let the characters be who they are.
Back tomorrow with the wrap up of Chapter 6 and a short Chapter 7.
Of Interest
How Far You’ve Traveled Through Space Since Your Birth This is really cool!
Unique Martian view Amazing images. Also a chance to get your own free newsletter from the Jet Propulsion Laboratory
Your Voice Is the Point. Stop Toning It Down Your unique voice—this is what writing into the dark is all about.
What Are Zine Collections? Probably not what you think. “Zines” sound like what we used to call “chapbooks.”