In Today’s Journal
* On Using Dialogue Tags and “Action Beats”
* Contest Entries Are Now Closed
* Of Interest
* The Numbers
On Using Dialogue Tags and “Action Beats”
In yesterday’s TNDJ I mentioned Lori Freeland’s “The Power of Paragraphing” as a great article on paragraphing and pacing.
I stand by that statement, but I was a little dismayed at the examples she used to illustrate a couple of points. I invited you to email me if you wanted to know why her examples are not good.
A few folks emailed me about it, so I thought I’d address it here.
Change of Speaker
Lori’s correct in saying when the speaker changes you should begin a new paragraph. But tag lines and brief descriptive narratives (she calls them “action beats”) should come BEFORE the dialogue, not after.
This advice isn’t just my personal preference. It enables you to avoid confusing the reader or interrupting the reading of your work.
When you write the tag line or brief descriptive narrative AFTER the dialogue, the reader will often interrupt his reading to go back and re-read the dialogue now that he knows who’s speaking, the voice and tone, etc.
When you write the tag line or brief descriptive narrative BEFORE the dialogue, it lets the reader know who’s speaking, the tone, etc. before he reads the dialogue:
Here are her examples:
“I’ll be back by curfew.” My sister breezes past, repeating the lie she’s told me all week.
“You know liars go to hell, right?” Aidan calls her out when I don’t.
“Be sure to save me a seat up front.” She shoves her phone into the back pocket of her dark gray jeans and tugs up the hood of her black sweatshirt.
And here are her examples revised:
My sister breezed past, repeating the lie she’s told me all week. “I’ll be back by curfew.”
Grinning (or scowling) Aidan called her out. “You know liars go to hell, right?”
She shoved her phone into the back pocket of her dark gray jeans and tugged up the hood of her black sweatshirt. “Be sure to save me a seat up front.”
In the second revised example above, notice I deleted “when I don’t.” The reader can plainly see that the non-Aidan character didn’t “call her out” because s/he didn’t say s/he did. It’s usually better NOT to tell the reader something that didn’t happen.
In the revised examples above, I also changed the verbs from present tense to past tense. Why? Because…
- Past tense is the natural voice of narrative.
- Present tense narrative sounds like stage direction as written into a stage play or screenplay. It instructs the actors where to stand and what to do.
Simple Tags Can Be Your Friends
Here are Lori’s examples:
“I like you,” she said.
“You do?”
“I do.”
“Absolutely.”
“Why?” he asked.
As you can see, a tag line (or dialogue tag) consists only of a noun or pronoun and a verb that indicates a form of utterance. The best verb for a tag line is “said.”
The tag line exists ONLY to let the reader know which character’s speaking. If you want to also let the reader hear a tone of voice, etc. you can use “muttered,” “grumbled,” “whispered,” “screamed” etc. Just remember the verb must always be a form of utterance.
The brief descriptive narrative lets the reader know which character’s speaking AND lets the reader see a little more of the scene (the speaker’s facial expression, gestures, mood, etc.).
Again, tag lines (or dialogue tags) or brief descriptive narratives should most often appear before the dialogue, not after. And again, this is to let the reader know in advance which character is speaking so the reader “hears” the right voice as he reads the dialogue.
That said, it’s also a good rule to use tag lines only when necessary.
In Lori’s examples above, only the first tag line is necessary. After that, we know which character is speaking because of the paragraphing.
Contest Entries Are Now Closed
Now that the contest is closed for further entries, here are a few stats:
Thanks to the few writers who followed the manuscript format and who put their name and contact information on their submissions. You eased my workload, especially if an anthology results.
On most of the entries, I had to
- download and open the Word document submission,
- click Enable Editing, then
- go back to that writer’s email,
- copy the writer’s name and paste it into the manuscript, then
- copy the writer’s email address (a separate action) and paste it into the manuscript so I’d know where to send any prize money or payment.
When you have to do that over and over for even a dozen or so entries (much less 30 or 40 or more) it unnecessarily wastes a lot of time.
Remember, including your name and contact info is more important for you than it is for the editor of any contest. Most editors would simply delete the entry that wasn’t formatted correctly or that didn’t contain the writer’s contact info.
If you want a shot at winning or even placing in a contest ANYwhere, give yourself the best chance by following the contest guidelines. Just sayin’.
All of that said, it’s all right.
TNDJ is a place to learn how to write and publish (and submit) fiction, so please don’t email your apologies, etc. Just try to do better next time. Especially if you’re entering a contest somewhere other than here.
I’m apparently still in Relax mode, so I’ll read all the entries and have results back to you in the next few days.
Talk with you again soon.
Of Interest
Dr. Mardy’s Quotes of the Week: “Courage”
The Numbers
The Journal…………………………… 950
Writing of Blackwell Ops 47: Sam Granger | Special Duty
Day 1…… 3250 words. To date…… 3250
Fiction for August..………………….. XXXX
Fiction for 2025………………………. 526647
Nonfiction for August………………… 2190
Nonfiction for 2025…………………… 170590
2025 consumable words…………….. 689623
2025 Novels to Date…………………….. 13
2025 Novellas to Date…………………… 0
2025 Short Stories to Date……………… 31
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)…………….. 117
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)…………… 10
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)……… 301
Short story collections……………………. 29