In Today’s Journal
* The Bradbury Challenge Report
* Teeter-Tottering Through a Saga
* Of Interest
The Bradbury Challenge Report
Participating in any challenge is a great way to have fun and grow as a writer.
The requirement is to write at least one short story per week, then let me know the title, word count, and genre per the format below. During the past week, the following writers wrote these new stories:
- Vanessa V. Kilmer “Mr. and Mrs. Claws” 3099 Romantic Horror
- Christopher Ridge “Employee of the Month” horror 830
- Christopher Ridge “I Would LIke a Word With You” horror 1829
- Christopher Ridge “Huntin’ Day” horror 645
- Christopher Ridge “The Exam will only Hurt A Little” horror1253
- Christopher Ridge “Dear Santa” horror 850
- Christopher Ridge “Be Nice”” horror 1255
- Christopher Ridge “Please Wait Your Turn” horror 1607
- Karen Riggs “Tequilapocalypse” 3033 General Fiction
- Dave Taylor “Mateo and the Missing” 2,445 Magical Realism
- Glynn Young “A Meeting of Children” 1800 General
Congratulations to all of these writers.
Teeter-Tottering Through a Saga (or Balance Is Good)
Pronouns and Antecedents
Everybody know it’s a really great idea when writing to be sure any pronouns you use in tag lines or elsewhere have a valid and clear antecedent.
In terms of presentation, that means “be sure the reader knows specifically which character you’re referring back to when you write ‘he,’ ‘she,’ or ‘it’.”
That’s a simple rule, one that’s easy to apply even on the fly while you’re writing. Except that it isn’t.
I mean, yes, any good writer who’s learned or even only peripherally overheard that concept can see the good sense of it and apply it. But if you’re as involved in the characters’ story as I am while you’re writing, sometimes things like that slip through the cracks.
That’s where cycling comes in. “Cycling” means simply reading (as a reader) what you’ve written and letting yourself (your characters) ‘touch’ it as you go.
Of course as I’ve mentioned several times in this Journal, I’ve cycled over everything I’ve ever written, usually at least twice: once after each short story or chapter or major scene and once when I come to work the next morning.
But there’s a benefit to having written the various original installments of the saga over a long period of time: I’m not as intimately close to the story, as the expanse of time has rendered me ‘just another reader’.
So now the little glitches I missed while I was writing (and cycling the first two or three times) tend to pop off the page at me.
As I cycle through the Wes Crowley saga, it’s a little amazing to me how many vague pronouns I’ve had to replace with character names (because the pronouns didn’t have a clear antecedent) in order to smooth the reading experience for the reader.
For example,
On his way back from the train station, he spotted him and waved, then increased his pace. When they met, Connolly said, “There’s a train today, sir, but it leaves in an hour.”
(Note: In all fairness, from the context prior to the above example, the reader knows the only two relevant characters are Corporal Connolly and Captain Wilson and where each is going or has been, so the above isn’t quite the jumbled mess it seems.)
Now that passage reads
On his way back from the train station, Corporal Connolly spotted the captain. He waved, then increased his pace. When they met, Connolly said, “There’s a train today, sir, but it leaves in an hour.”
(Note: If I was certain every reader was submerged in the story, I could have omitted ‘When they met, Connolly said,” because “sir” in the ensuing dialogue indicates it was the corporal talking to the captain. But how can I be certain?)
I’m also aware this is a minuscule change, but specificity is important in presentation when you’re trying to smooth out the reading experience for as many potential readers as possible.
Tag Lines
Tag lines exist only to let the reader know which character is either about to speak or has just spoken. (It’s most often better to put the tag line ahead of the line of dialogue so the reader can tell up front who said what.)
That said, ‘said’ is also the best verb for use in a tag line, mostly because it lets the reader know which character is speaking but ALSO because using the bland ‘said’ renders the tag line itself almost invisible. The reader won’t trip over a good, bland (‘said’) tag line, and he’ll remain submerged in the actual story.
If you WANT to trip the reader and jerk him completely out of the story, just use a strong action verb (‘he ejaculated’) or make one up (‘she sentenced’) in a tag line.
But even as invisible as good tag lines are (‘he said’ or ‘she said’), it’s also a good idea not to use ANY tag line when that use isn’t necessary (because the reader can readily tell from the context which character is speaking).
I’ve seemingly known that all my life, so like the use of vague pronouns, it’s also hard to believe how many unnecessary tag lines I’ve deleted while cycling over the Wes Crowley saga.
For example,
The captain frowned. “I was looking forward to treating you to an enjoyable dinner and then maybe another day in Austin. Kind of a reward for all of your hard work. But I suppose we should be on that train.”
Connolly said, “Yes sir. Thanks, but I agree we should get back. If we get our bags from the hotel, we should just make it.”
Rather than repeat the ‘corrected’ example, I’ll just tell you what I did. I removed “Connolly said,”. Nothing more.
That tag line was not necessary because only the captain and Connolly were involved in the conversation.
Now, had their been MORE than two characters involved in that conversation, I might’ve left that particular tag line in. But there weren’t, so the tag line wasn’t necessary. The reader could tell from the context (two people in the conversation) which character was speaking.
Should I have caught these things when I first wrote them several years ago? Of course.
But I didn’t. I like to think I didn’t catch them because I wasn’t up to that skill level yet.
And if you find yourself wanting to be more specific but thinking ‘Nah, that isn’t important’ or ‘The reader will know what I mean,’ that’s your critical voice, so do it anyway.
Talk with you again soon.
Of Interest
Dr. Mardy’s Quotes of the Week: What Does Normal Mean to You? As an aside, be sure to check out the branding on the first featured book cover The face is the brand, then the name. And on the second cover, the series title is the brand.
We Don’t Need No Stinking Rules! Probably not what you think.