Seems to be The Week of Scams, all vehemently defended by the very writers who are the scammers’ targets.
But that’s all right. At long last, I’ve seen the light. As a result, I’ve decided to completely revamp my main website.
I’ll begin by getting rid of all those silly book covers and book descriptions and individual book pages. In all, I’ll be able to delete around 100 pages (of 104).
It will be SUCH a relief, not having to keep up with all of that. I mean, think about it:
● I won’t have to design any new covers or write any new descriptions.
● Deleting those pages will free up tons of bandwidth, which will dramatically increase my page-load speed, cutting it from roughly a half-second to a half-millisecond.
● I won’t have to spend arduous hours in the chair at my writing ‘puter coming up with new characters and situations, writing new stories.
Instead, I can focus on what’s truly important: increasing my bank account.
I’ve already laid out the plan, which I borrowed from my good friend [name deleted due to liability issues] and myriad others just like him.
The new Home page will welcome writers with an upbeat message:
Be a Writer!
Make Tons of Money at Home in Your Spare Time!
Also on that page, I’ll link to a few other pages.
My Audio Lectures page
There are currently 11 lectures, but they’re all substantive things about improving the craft. Bo-ho-ho-horing.
To those I’ll add exciting lectures on the use of Grammarly and Scrivener and all their rival grammar checkers and organizational tools. I’ll also add lectures highly recommending any programs that pay me to recommend them.
My About Harvey Stanbrough page
I’ll delete all the boring, substantive stuff about who I am and what I’ve done. What matters, after all, is not what I’ve accomplished but what I can help YOU accomplish.
So I’ll focus instead on explaining that I’ve “penned” several international bestselling novels and novellas and short stories, each under its own pen name.
I’ll explain that those bestsellers are making money for me hand over fist. In fact, I was recently forced into buying a brand new Cadillac Escalade for the sole purpose of hauling my loot to the bank twice a week. It’s just that big a haul!
And of course I’ll explain that I can do the same for you, if only you’ll invest in your own Incredible Talent. And, you know, send me a small fee.
Of course, I won’t divulge the actual name of any of my bestsellers or the pen names under which they’re written. But that’s strictly due to my overriding sense of modesty and fair play.
After all, I’d hate to bring a prospective client down by allowing him or her to actually verify what an excellent writer and storyteller I am by comparison.
On the blog, I’ll stop with all the nonsensical so-called “writing and publishing advice” in favor of truly helpful advice like “Use Grammarly” and “You’ll Write Better If You Invest in Scrivener” and “Find A Quiet Place To Write” and “The Top Ten Ways to Make Readers Absolutely Slobber With Anticipation.”
My Services page
I’ll get rid of my copyediting service forthwith. Nothing destroys a writer’s confidence like the notion that typos and misspellings and wrong word usages and inconsistencies actually matter.
Instead I’ll offer to procure for you a Facebook page and a Twitter feed and an Amazon Author Page and a LinkedIn account. And because I like you and truly believe in you, I’ll provide each of those for only, say, $50 apiece.
For an extra $100 (each), I’ll even set up a Smashwords and D2D account for you. And for a small additional fee of $50 (each) I’ll give you a Smashwords Author Interview and a D2D Author Page.
Finally, (for two more low fees) I’ll critique your website and make Professional Recommendations, and I’ll crunch the Amazon sales numbers for you and let you know what’s selling and what isn’t and why.
Then, for the low, low one-time fee of only $99, I’ll send you an official-looking, suitable-for-framing certificate verifying that your copyright belongs solely and uniquely to you. No one else! And for an addition $49 fee, I’ll include a second certificate that proudly displays your Library of Congress Catalogue Card Number (LCCN).
Seriously, can you beat a deal like that? I don’t think so.
Hey, I’m going all out here, folks.
I’ve decided it’s high time I stop keeping all the secrets of my overwhelming success as a writer to myself and share them.
You too can be a lucky recipient of my generosity. And all you have to do is loosen your purse strings a little bit.
Well, that and race to my defense should any of the haters out there call me a scammer.
‘Cause you know in your heart I’d never scam you, am I right?
I do think I’ll keep my website logline though: I will lie to you, and you will enjoy it. Seems to fit even with the new scheme.
Of course, it’ll take a little time to revamp my website to such a degree. But I have a target date in mind.
I’ll launch the newly revamped site on April 1.
See you soon.
See “A Copyright Scam” at https://www.deanwesleysmith.com/a-copyright-scam/.
See “Top Five DIY Book Layout Mistakes” at http://www.thepassivevoice.com/top-five-diy-book-layout-mistakes-2/.
Fiction Words: XXXX
Nonfiction Words: 890 (Journal)
So total words for the day: 890
Day 1…… XXXX words. Total words to date…… XXXX
Total fiction words for the month……… 2946
Total fiction words for the year………… 237162
Total nonfiction words for the month… 73300
Total nonfiction words for the year…… 86506
Total words for the year (fiction and this blog)…… 323418
Calendar Year 2018 Novels to Date………………………… 5
Calenday Year 2018 Novellas to Date…………………… 2
Calendar Year 2018 Short Stories to Date……… 11
Novels (since Oct 19, 2014)………………………………………… 31
Novellas (since Nov 1, 2015)……………………………………… 6
Short stories (since Apr 15, 2014)………………………… 193